91色情片

GREAT TO hear that the music broadcaster MTV is going green, but . . .

It has come to our attention that a press release about the MTV Europe Music
Awards, staged in Frankfurt a couple of weeks ago, promised that 鈥渢housands of
trees鈥� would be planted to 鈥渞eabsorb the carbon dioxide created in the
production, presentation and broadcast鈥� of the awards.

In a separate release, MTV boasted that its global network would beam the
show worldwide, potentially 鈥渞eaching 330.7 million households in 140
肠辞耻苍迟谤颈别蝉鈥�.

Let鈥檚 overlook for a moment the fact that many scientists are sceptical about
the efficiency of plantations as carbon sinks. Instead, let鈥檚 consider what
happens if all those potential viewers do tune into the awards ceremony.
We鈥檝e used the CO₂ calculator provided on www. facefoundation.nl
to arrive at our figures.

The power consumption of 330.7 million TV sets, each with a rating of around
100 watts, running for the 2 hours of the show, would be over 66 million
kilowatt-hours. If burning fossil fuels generated most of this power, then the
CO₂ emissions would be more than 35,000 tonnes.

At the very best, temperate forests lock up around 600 tonnes of CO₂
per hectare as they grow to maturity鈥攁nd that involves around 5000 trees
per hectare. So to mop up the CO₂ emissions created by everyone
watching the awards, MTV would need to plant more than 300,000 trees鈥攁bout
60 hectares. And then make sure they were left to stand for a very long
time.

If, more realistically, just over 10 million households鈥攁 far more
modest audience鈥攖une in to this year鈥檚 awards, MTV could plant around
10,000 trees and these might eventually mop up the CO₂ generated. But
even this ignores all the other emissions resulting from getting staff, artists
and hangers-on to the event by air, rail and road.

MTV used to broadcast environmental messages featuring the punchline 鈥渋f
you鈥檙e not part of the solution, you鈥檙e part of the problem鈥�. Indeed.

SPACE TOURIST Dennis Tito not only got the thrill of a lifetime on board the
International Space Station. He also came back with some great stories to
tell.

NASA battled to keep Tito off the space station, complaining that he had not
been trained sufficiently to prevent him from breaking something critical. In
the end, NASA relented鈥攂ut not before it had thoroughly annoyed the
Russian commander of the space station. Matters came to a head when the space
shuttle Endeavour visited before Tito arrived.

It seems the shuttle鈥檚 toilet went on the blink, and the departing Americans
needed to use the toilet on the Russian part of the space station. Space toilets
are high technology, so the Russian commander said no鈥攖he Americans had
not been trained how to use the Russian toilet. He finally relented, but only
after the Americans went through a proper training session.

Tito recounted this story at a Los Angeles meeting of the Space Frontier
Foundation, drawing, according to SpaceRef.com, 鈥渞iotous laughter from the
补耻诲颈别苍肠别鈥�.

AND TALKING of Russian cosmonauts, we have long heard stories of their
supposed unusual habits in space. Rumour has it, for example, that the occupants
of the Russian Space Station Mir regularly indulged in a drop of vodka and the
occasional cigarette that they had smuggled on board.

Of course, this could never happen on the International Space Station given
the clean-living, anti-smoking stance of many Americans. Which is why we were
surprised by a link from the NASA Watch website to a high resolution photograph
of cosmonaut Vladimir Dezhurov taken on board the space station in September. At
the bottom right of the picture is a plastic pouch in which two large cigars are
clearly visible.

Bizarrely, a top NASA official was later hauled out to refute any suggestion
that the cigars would be smoked inside the space station. Instead he announced
that the stogies were made of chocolate and that Dezhurov intended to eat them.
Interested readers can judge for themselves at
http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/gallery/images/station/crew-3/hires/iss003e5953.jpg

SOMEHOW, this doesn鈥檛 make us feel terribly safe. It is reported in the
October issue of The Railway Observer that the level crossing at
Maliphant sidings, adjacent to the South Wales main line, has been provided with
gates that are normally kept closed and padlocked鈥攏ot across the road, but
across the railway.

New stop boards were provided 25 yards from the crossing, says the article,
bearing the pertinent instruction for the drivers of oncoming trains to 鈥渙pen
crossing gates before proceeding鈥�.

We certainly hope the trains round Maliphant don鈥檛 go very fast.

FURTHER TO our story last week about Windows XP crashing computers, reader
Chris Charles tells us he got XP working on his computer but found he needed
some extra 鈥減atch鈥� software to get his scanner working again. After he had
downloaded the patch from the Internet and installed it, XP rewarded him with
this nice little message: 鈥淭he computer must now be shot down鈥� [sic].

THOSE vegetarians get everywhere. The 1999 edition of The joy of
cooking includes a recipe entitled 鈥淜ale with Bacon鈥�. it begins: 鈥淚f
desired, omit the bacon鈥濃��

SCIENCE continues to uncover new hazards, threatening the very existence of
life on Earth. Reader P. Spedding recently purchased several 鈥淪peedy鈥�
piezoelectric gas lighters for use in a school laboratory. 鈥淚t鈥檚 a universal gas
lighter,鈥� says the label, 鈥渇or safe ignition of natural gas and every other
gas.鈥� Whoops, there goes the atmosphere.

FINALLY, if you have been following with interest this column鈥檚
investigations into semiopathy鈥攅motional identification with signs such as
鈥淭his door is alarmed鈥濃�攖hen turn to p 55 and to the letters on our website
for several readers鈥� accounts of their perplexing experiences.