ONE OF the structures shaken by the earthquake that struck Seattle last month
was the Microsoft building. An insider tells us that when the tremor started,
staff remained largely indifferent not only to the vibrations of the earthquake,
but also to the klaxons and flashing lights of the alarm system—until,
that is, they received this message on their computer screens, complete with the
traditional autosignature: “Alarms going off! Please evacuate the building! Have
a Wonderful Day!”
Convinced, at last, that there really was a problem—until it’s virtual,
it’s not real—they started to file out of the building.
MEANWHILE, at the nearby Westin Seattle Hotel, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates
was about to start a presentation about the company’s new Windows XP software.
When the tremor struck, according to The New York Times, he and his
audience had to leave the room. After the all-clear sounded they trooped back in
and Gates prepared to resume.
Advertisement
“Where was I?” he asked.
“You said you had an earth-shattering announcement to make,” said a wit in
the audience.
IN OUR item on the British Standard covering the effects of vibration on the
human body (24 February), we quoted its conclusion that “pleasurable sensations”
were outside its scope. This prompted reader Bert Schreiber to remind us about
the vibrating platforms built by Nikola Tesla at the end of the 19th
century.
Tesla, obsessed with alternating current and anything else that oscillated,
was experimenting with a large vibrating platform in his lab when his friend
Samuel Clements Twain happened by. Twain witnessed Tesla finding the vibration a
“pleasant” experience as he stood on the platform, but its vibrations also had
the effect of loosening his bowels. Tesla only just made it to the toilet in
time.
Unfortunately, Twain himself later tried the platform to relieve his
long-standing constipation. But he stayed with the “pleasant” experience far too
long, despite Tesla’s pleas for him to get off.
New pants had to be sent for.
IT CAN be a mistake to send an e-mail with a long subject line. For example,
reader Guy Robinson’s e-mail reader typically shows only the first 25 letters of
the subject. In the past few months he has received e-mails proclaiming:
“2 for the price of 1 tick”, “Save on your favourite bra” and “Where can you
go for 99 p”.
He had to open the e-mails to discover that the bits missing from these
subject lines were, respectively, “[tick]ets to the UK’s largest travel show”,
“[bra]nds” and “[p]ounds?”.
IS Imperial College London worried about the alertness of its students? If
not, why was it running a “Brain Awareness Week” at the beginning of the
month?
IT IS always entertaining to see big companies struggling with the hi-tech
they are trying to sell us.
At trade shows, the exhibitors traditionally hand out information packs with
copies of speeches and facts about the company and its new technology. At the
recent Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, several large companies,
including Panasonic, had abandoned the traditional paper handouts and were
distributing miniature CD-ROMs instead. So press and trade visitors had to find
and fire up a PC before they could read the information.
Sony went one better, handing a tiny slip of paper to anyone who asked for
information. This gave the Internet address of a Sony site carrying the
information. So visitors had to find a PC with a phone line and Internet
connection before they could get the low-down on Sony’s latest innovation.
Many out-of-town visitors would only have fast Internet access from their
office back home. So Sony has just created a jolly good reason for not bothering
to go to their shows.
International PR company McCann-Erickson has now mailed us a survey
questionnaire to fill in and fax back. It asks how we would prefer to receive
online information about the online computer sales company, Jungle.com.
Fine. But what a pity they have printed their questionnaire on bright green
shiny paper that is difficult to write on and which fax machines take an age to
transmit, and print out in illegible black at the other end.
HOLD the front page!
Here’s the gripping headline of a press release received by New
Scientist last week: “Valicert selected by UDDI to forge standards-based
B2B transaction infrastructure.”
Makes you catch your breath with excitement, doesn’t it.
A RECENT obituary of Australian geologist Robin Oliver in Adelaide’s The
Advertiser suggests he was a man of awesome talents. One of the many awards
he received, the obituary tells us, was for “outstanding contributions to the
geology of Sri Lanka”.
FINALLY, here’s another example of superfluous precision. About to pour
friends a drink from a bottle of Galliano, reader Keith Moore noticed the label
saying it contained “Approx. 11.8 standard drinks”.
