TECHNOLOGY journalists have lately been suffering from a corporate obsession
with nondisclosure agreements. High-tech companies are hot to publicise their
bright ideas鈥攂ut they don鈥檛 want anyone to tell the world exactly what it
is they are.
So an editor invited to a press briefing on a new product is likely to be
told to sign a nondisclosure agreement. It happened to Jeffrey Bairstow as
editorial director of the trade magazine Laser Focus World, which
specialises in optoelectronics. Understandably, he refused to sign, recognising
the situation as the height鈥攐r depths鈥攐f absurdity.
MEANWHILE, it has become routine for electronic press releases to be
accompanied by warnings that the message contains proprietary information that
should not be disclosed. Ironically, many of the firms that are most insistent
on keeping their products under wraps specialise in IT鈥攚hich, if you
remember, means 鈥渋nformation technology鈥�.
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And the IT department of a company not very far from New Scientist
attaches a reminder to each outgoing e-mail, saying that 鈥渋t may contain
information, which is privileged and confidential鈥�. Or it may not contain
information, presumably.
叠搁滨罢础滨狈鈥橲 Department of Trade and Industry wants businesses to use e-commerce
more sensibly鈥攆or instance by making messages quick, easy and safe to
read. To set an example, the DTI has started to send out press releases by
e-mail, instead of on paper. The first that Feedback received was a routine
166-word announcement that arrived as an empty e-mail with a 24-kilobyte
Microsoft Word file attachment鈥攐f just the type that can easily hide a
virus. When the file downloads it shows up as 16067.doc, so there is no way of
knowing what it contains before opening it.
Any press officers reading this, repeat after us: 鈥渟end plain text鈥�.
ONLINE help is one of those ideas that tends to work much better in theory
than in practice. Cable-modem provider MediaOne鈥攋ust renamed AT&T
Broadband鈥攈as a website to give users help with the system. So when one of
Feedback鈥檚 colleagues couldn鈥檛 get his cable modem to work, he tried using his
old modem to check out the Web page. When that didn鈥檛 work he e-mailed MediaOne
customer services to tell them their Web page was down. Customer services
responded with a Web address.
Thinking he had tried the wrong Web page, he tried the new address the next
time his cable modem went on the blink. Once again he couldn鈥檛 get through, so
he fired off an e-mail trying to warn MediaOne of the problem. This time
MediaOne explained: 鈥淭he Network Status Web page can only be accessed by the
cable modem connection.鈥� Presumably all users should buy a spare?
A READER who wishes to remain anonymous was using the electronic yellow pages
(www.eyp.co.uk) the other day to find some phone numbers and decided, in a
whimsical moment, to try a search for 鈥減rostitution鈥�.
Here is the result: 鈥淵ou searched for `prostitution鈥� in United Kingdom.
Unfortunately, yellow pages has no listings for that business type anywhere in
the United Kingdom. This is probably because this is a new business type, so
look out for companies appearing in it in the near future.鈥� Have the men of the
world at eyp maybe signed a non-disclosure agreement with the 鈥渙ldest
辫谤辞蹿别蝉蝉颈辞苍鈥�?
TWISTED logic can exist quite happily without the help of new technology, of
course.
Amanda Zeller, for example, recently received a letter from the Miami Beach
parking department regarding the purchase of parking permits. Completing and
mailing in a form normally does the trick. But this letter informed her: 鈥淚f you
plan to only purchase visitor permits through the mail, you must come in person
to do so.鈥�
MANY THANKS to the more than 60 readers who responded to our plea for
information about near-perpetual-motion desk toys (Feedback, 16 December 2000).
Now we know that the plastic slugs that hover and spin above their cradles are
available from the Australian Geographic Society at
www.australiangeographic.com, among other places. London鈥檚 Science Museum sells
a similar hovering pen at www.sciencemuseumstore.com.
AN OVER-THE-COUNTER medication to relieve premenstrual tension called Midol,
which is available in the US, comes with the following advice on the label: 鈥淒o
not take this product for menstruation-related pain if you are pregnant.鈥�
OK, we won鈥檛. Promise.
WHEN YOU apply for a driving licence in Britain, you get a copy of something
called XL magazine. Andrew Borrell was struck by an article called 鈥淭he
Driving Standards Authority鈥檚 recommendations for learning to drive and
practical test preparation鈥�. Step 5 read: 鈥淎sk yourself `Do I do all the
thinking for myself, or does my instructor or accompanying driver have to keep
giving me guidance?鈥� If you are confident that you can answer yes to this
question and you have passed your theory test, then apply for your practical
迟别蝉迟.鈥�
Mmm . . . can I phone a friend?
