MANY people feel their pets are part of the family, so naturally they want to
send them Christmas cards. But Stephen Hoy, a Michigan inventor, observes
perceptively that 鈥減ets do not get any enjoyment out of receiving such a
肠补谤诲鈥�.
So he has patented 鈥渆dible animal greetings cards鈥� made of delicacies
appropriate for the species of pet. Horses get cards made of rolled oats, cats
seem to be fond of yellow maize mixed with poultry by-products, while canines
get rawhide.
Happy pets! But their masters and mistresses have not been forgotten either.
Hoy proposes that his cards contain a printed message that can be read by humans
before the card is devoured.
Advertisement
Isn鈥檛 that nice?
DO YOU find it comforting to know that pilots crack jokes about plane
crashes? We鈥檙e not quite sure, but it seems they do. For example, a recent issue
of Australian Aviation magazine listed two dozen tongue-in-cheek 鈥淩ules
of the Air鈥�. We don鈥檛 have space for all of them, but here is just a taster.
Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick
back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way
back, then they get bigger again.
It鈥檚 always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as
possible.
The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot
cool. When it stops, you can watch the pilot sweating.
When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the
sky.
If all you can see out of the window is ground that鈥檚 going round and round
and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things
are not at all they should be.
Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of
take-offs you鈥檝e made.
In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium travelling at
hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going at zero miles per hour, the
ground has yet to lose.
DO YOU want to find out all there is to know about happiness? You鈥檙e in luck,
for little is left unsaid on probably the world鈥檚 first happiness database at
www.eur.nl/fsw/research/happiness.
The Dutch site exhaustively summarises international research into happiness.
It includes research papers (in English, German and Dutch), books,
dissertations, conference papers and unpublished reports. So far, it covers 3422
titles organised under 388 subject categories, and it鈥檚 growing all the
time.
Feedback has just one criticism. The site is presented in such an intensely
serious way that ploughing through it makes you feel rather miserable.
BREVITY is, it seems, all in the world of commerce. Reader Chris Lightfoot
received an invitation to apply for a bursary from the oil giant Shell, together
with an application form that included this question:
鈥淒ue to the complexity of the business we pursue around the world, critical
thinking and analytical skills are essential. To help us evaluate these skills,
please analyse fully the main challenges associated with using global energy
sources responsibly. (Please use your own analysis of the challenges and some of
the broader implications. We do not expect you to research this area.)鈥�
Beneath the question on the form was a blank area in which the candidate was
expected to save the world. The area was approximately 3 centimetres high and 17
centimetres across鈥攏ot much bigger than this item on the page in front of
you.
ON THE back of a telephone message pad that comes from publisher The
Charlesworth Group is printed a list of 鈥渄os and don鈥檛s鈥� when answering the
telephone. Among the 鈥渄os鈥� is: 鈥淒o smile and be cheerful when answering the
迟别濒别辫丑辞苍别.鈥�
We鈥檙e sure callers will be impressed by the fact that we are smiling at
them鈥攐r rather (in the case of Feedback鈥檚 kitchen phone extension), at the
wall in front of us.
MORE of the blindingly obvious. Reader Michael Jordan was perusing the office
furniture section of a department store in Alamogordo, New Mexico. On sale in a
large cardboard box was a 4-drawer filing cabinet with a note attached to it
explaining: 鈥淗olds twice as much as a 2-drawer filing cabinet.鈥�
Now, isn鈥檛 that amazing?
FINALLY, it only remains to thank the hundreds of you who have sent us witty
items for the column during the year. Our e-mail inbox and postbag are the envy of the
New Scientist office. Feedback would be nothing without you.
Compliments of the season to you, and to all our readers.
